Building Paradise:
Contracting or Expanding?

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Some conversations trigger me in unexpected ways. Thankfully I'm self aware enough to notice and avoid too much damage. There's been many times these last couple of weeks where I just wanted to tell people to f-off, quit what I'm doing and go hide under a rock.

When that happens I go into analysis mode (if time) and try to figure out why I reacted like that. It's not the other person's fault. I'm the one reacting to it. Why did it trigger me?

Contracting into myself and sometimes over-analyzing. Not good. It can become a negative spiral. Trying to figure something out that's hardwired or tangled up in childhood trauma. Who cares. I don't have time for that. But it's what happens. Analysis paralysis.

As the years have gone I've been able to shorten the time of these moments. It used to be bad. I would disappear into myself for days or even weeks. Usually combined with doing stupid shit like partying, playing video games or anything that let me escape instead of dealing with the problem.

Now, these moments are typically minutes or hours. Even that sometimes feels like wasting time, although I understand that it's part of my process of getting back to baseline. What annoys me the most is that this contraction spreads to other stuff in life. I stop posting on social. I don't text or call people. I'm doing the minimal instead of the maximum.

When you're focused on building Paradise (both metaphorically and literally) you can't afford to contract. There's not time. Ironically, one of the best ways I've found to get myself out of a slump is to force myself to expand.

Force myself to do more. Fill my calendar. Go outside my comfort zone. Calling that prospect. Having that tough conversation I've been dreading or just posting more content on social media.

Or, write my first blog post in a very long time...

Whenever you feel like you are contracting, force yourself to expand in some area of your life and see what happens. Expansion is positive energy. It's contagious. It spreads.

Accept your temporary contraction, but when that happens, turn your attention to how and where you can expand!

MW
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About the author Marcus Walfridson is the founder of Sarasota Paradise Soccer Club, leading its transition to USL League One. A seasoned soccer coach and author of Lessons From The Beautiful Game. He champions individual liberty and personal accountability, striving for success both on and off the field.